january 30, 9:00pm, one last dance
Early in the day I announce to the internet I will be retiring from online dating with one last date. This sparks a stream of messages telling me ‘good luck’, ‘you must be nervous’. I don’t understand these at first, I’ve been doing this for a month, by now I’ve gotten over my worries about technical glitches or the whims of the workers. What I didn’t anticipate was how different I would feel when people I know might be tuning in. Before the date I am anxiously bouncing around double checking my code for bugs, searching out the perfect bar with adequate lighting, low noise levels, optimal seating arrangements. I locate one that yelp describes as ideal and confirm with my date. Shortly before the date I decide to visit to make sure there’s enough cell coverage for a good stream and discover that it’s a complete dead zone. I write my date asking to switch to another location, but don’t hear anything back immediately, and I start worrying I will get stood up. Is there anything more embarrassing than getting stood up in front of everyone online? Maybe having your art project totally bomb in front of everyone online? Trying to create a backup plan, I turn into that girl on okcupid writing random guys, heyy cutie what are you up to tonight? Putting me out of my misery, I hear back from my date, it’s on. I take a moment to laugh at myself and the absolutely absurd situation I let myself take a little too seriously for a bit there.
By the time I arrive, I feel much more relaxed and ready to just have fun with this end to this intense month. However, I quickly realize it’s one thing to be watched and directed by anonymous MTurk workers, but thinking my friends, family, and colleagues could be out there, I feel so much more exposed. The date goes along ok, but I feel my attention pulled in different directions in a much more intense way tonight. I’m split between checking my phone trying to make sure the stream is staying up, thinking about the people out there watching, and trying to be present with my date. Compounding this is a general feeling of being all over the place that has been steadily building over this month of experiments. He is sensing my energy and responding and it’s throwing both of us off balance. The worker directions are actually holding me together tonight. ‘DO be honest’ is the cue as my date asks me about artists I admire. Well, ok. I tell him about the work of a couple of my favorite artists. The date goes on uncertainly for some time longer, then we part amicably and I’m done! It feels too good.
I return home to find an email from one of the aforementioned artists, whom I don’t know too well, letting me know he was watching. I am so busted. I feel new weird levels of exposed. Thinking more about exposure, I also realize if I thought I was hopeless with love before this, if anyone I know was even thinking of dating me, they were able to tune in and see just how completely awkward on a date I really am. I spend a short while feeling some strange soup of ecstatic to be done, uncomfortable with how much I have shared, sheepish and worried remembering one of my professors telling me once ‘lauren, nobody wants to read your diary’, high on the rush of crazy energy I’ve felt this month…
Then all at once, a moment of calm. I remember writing one of my goals for this project last december before I had figured out anything about what I would do. I wrote: I want to use technology to change my understanding of myself and my relationship to others. Then I wrote: If I already feel ok with myself, am I all right with changing that, risking possibly changing it for the worse? Then I wrote: I can’t feel ok with myself if I don’t feel like I can change.
| time | how do the man and woman appear to be feeling? | rating | what do you want the woman to do or say? |
|---|---|---|---|
| 21:07 | The woman and the man seem very comfortable. | 3 | SAY I think she should ask about the first time he lied to a girl. |
| 21:05 | it suggests that successful interaction depends on work by the participants. Using tapes of daily conversations between three male-female couples as data, I present some observations on the ways conversation is controlled as well as the results of transcript analysis. The analysis describes the concrete strategies used by men and women in interaction. Women do more conversational work than men; this is the interactional manifestation of power relations. | 5 | SAY some suggestions are made on the importance of studying interactions in the areas of availability and maintenance of one’s gender identity. |
| 21:04 | nice women | 2 | SAY good |
| 21:07 | the woman is explaining that she lost her phone and having some conversation with the man.Even the man is explaining about his terrible experience to her.They are having a drink. | 3 | DO Listen to the man and go ahead with the conversation smoothly. |
| 21:10 | you should get both of you guys in the screen at the same time. also i like your hair, it looks really good -erqi | 3 | DO |
| 21:10 | Caught up in their own individual experiences and perceptions of how the other and the world may be interpreting their behavior. No real connection or warmth here. One issue may be just the type of California accent she has which makes every statement into a question. It leaves confusion and distance. Try to move beyond each of your own cultural values and open up. Share something deep. | 1 | DO Relax. Be real. |
| 21:10 | Both of them are pretty happy | 4 | DO |
| 21:11 | She seems to be comfortable sitting at the bar with that guy. She should probably buy the best IPA they have on tap. Something local, ideally containing Citra Hops. It is very difficult to hear the couple given the volume of the bar. I wish I were at a bar right now | 3 | SAY Have you ever broken any bones? |
| 21:11 | They like to talk each other. They feel like meet an old friend. | 3 | SAY talk about movie |
| 21:16 | They appear to be feeling amused and entertained by one another or at least pretending to be. | 2 | SAY I really don’t like wearing underwear. |
| 21:17 | WOMEN LOOK VERY HAPPY AND ENJOYING GOOD TIME. | 4 | SAY REVEAL HIS FEELINGS. |
| 21:18 | i think the lady is talking casually to a man regarding usual matters and there behavior of peoples. | 3 | SAY peoples around her and talk about her friends. |
| 21:20 | one woman is there she talking with someone. she looks very happy | 4 | SAY she drinking alcohol. |
| 21:23 | its not playing | 3 | SAY nice |
| 21:38 | They appear to be happy and interested in each other. She really likes him she keeps smiling and laughing. He likes her also he’s smiling back at her. They seem to be enjoying each others company. | 5 | SAY So, what type of music do you like to listen to? |
| 21:40 | video not available | 3 | SAY video not available |
| 21:43 | It seems that the women is speaking with some one in a bar or a night club. | 3 | SAY I am so happy. |
| 21:49 | It looks like they are at a bar, and they don’t know each other very well. It looks like they are having a back and forth conversation trying to find out more about each other. | 2 | SAY This place is lame. Wanna come back to my apartment? |
| 21:52 | They smiles and they were massaging. They feels good at that time. | 4 | SAY Nice |
| 21:53 | I think that the man and the woman here seem to be happy and relaxed – they are friendly, telling each other stories, and possibly involved in some kind of romantic way. | 4 | SAY Tell me more about yourself |
| 21:53 | BOTH OF THEM ARE VERY HAPPY. | 4 | SAY ARE YOU HAPPY |
| 21:54 | New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment. | 4 | SAY i am happy to say this |
| 21:55 | They seem to be having fun, they seemed chatty and the woman did appear a little disinterested at times. There seemed to be a lot of background noise like they were in a bar or something. | 3 | SAY Let’s get a beer. |
| 21:56 | They are Discussing something really nice over their Dinner.Both the man and women appear to be having a satisfactory conversation. | 3 | SAY HI ALL |
| 21:57 | The woman appears to be slightly bored while drinking wine, and I cannot see the man. It is hard to hear due to the crowd in the background. This is a first date maybe? | 2 | SAY So you have all these theorys….what’s the real you? |
| 21:57 | The man and woman appear to feel anxious to have lunch and be satisfied. | 3 | SAY Wonderful! |
| 21:57 | The woman in this video is very happy by having wine and discussing with the man | 2 | SAY How frequently the woman will have wine?? |
| 21:57 | The woman appears to be engaged in an existentialist discussion dealing with the perception of reality and viewpoints. She’s also enjoying her glass of red wine. I cannot see the man but he is receptive to her questions. The bar is awfully loud. | 3 | SAY What is your opinion of modern art? |
| 21:57 | While at first glance, it might appear that a very small man is triumphantly riding a woman, that’s just your mind’s eye playing a trick on you. The gentleman taking in the scenery just happens to have a pant leg that matches up perfectly with a pattern in the woman’s top. And the fact that his left hand appears to be holding reins and the brown wood from the bench appears to be his foot just adds to the trompe l’oeil | 5 | SAY It’s jumping to the top of Reddit and making its way around the Interwebs, all thanks to the perfect alignment of several elements |
| 21:58 | They smiles and they were massaging. They feels good at that time. | 5 | SAY I am so happy. |
| 21:58 | they are explaining their experiences to each other about past. they are giving their own views she told that everyone will have their own view | 5 | SAY nice.. i m happy to talk with you |
| 21:58 | woman is a very interesting characters also man .like that woman. | 3 | SAY good |
| 22:00 | The woman and man seem to be enjoying getting to know one another; it seems as though they are meeting each other for the first time. | 5 | SAY People are going to have different opinions all the time. People can have different opinions and still agree on things. |
| 22:01 | Can’t be exactly clear because of the background noise.I Think they are being friendly. | 2 | SAY she is very polite and frank |
| 22:01 | NO COMMENTS | 2 | SAY NO COMMENTS |
| 22:02 | They are interacting happily and discussing manythings.Enjoying themselves. | 4 | SAY Hi your are awesome |
| 22:03 | The man is asking her about opinion regarding her interests and knowing them. | 3 | DO DO tell your interests honestly so that you will be happy |
| 22:04 | They are in a restaurant talking and appear to be having a delightful time talking. They seem very interested in each other. | 4 | DO Lick your elbow. |
| 22:05 | They seem to be very cusual | 2 | SAY Simply great |
| 22:06 | The conversation is not so clear at this moment lot of background noises, it seems that they are talking in a bar. They speaks something seriously. | 3 | SAY I love to have a chat with you. |
| 22:07 | The woman appears a little bit nervous, but engaged in the conversation, and the man appears to be interested in the present, and getting to know the girl, and seems to be sharing his experiences in great detail, hoping to spark some good conversation. | 3 | SAY Do you like to go bowling? |
| 22:07 | this makes me crazy i like the happiness its because of lame.. | 5 | SAY interests honestly so that you will be happy |
| 22:08 | Based on the conversation being observed, I believe they are enjoying themselves. The conversation is flowing and there are smiles and laughs, seems like it is their first time meeting though. | 4 | DO Laugh a bit more and see how he responds. |
| 22:08 | The woman appears to be enjoying herself. She is smiling, laughing, and seems thoroughly involved in the conversation that she’s having, while maintaining good eye contact. | 4 | SAY Order a neat scotch. |
| 22:09 | The woman and the man appear to be on a first date. They both appear to be very nervous with one another. However while they are both nervous they seem to be getting along and enjoying each others company. | 3 | SAY Ask him how he feels about Tom Hanks (The Actor). |
| 22:12 | Thw audio is not clear. a man is interacting with girl nicely.its in a bar. | 4 | SAY please do not taik openly in a bar. |
| 22:13 | They appear to be agreeing with each other | 4 | DO Shake his hand or give him a hug |
| 22:14 | The woman seems to be interested or at least listening intently. She is quiet and watching him. The man is talkative, he may be nervous because he talks quite a bit. Though, now I wonder if she is bored because she is quiet and moving her hands. | 3 | SAY I would suggest she talks more so the man would get to know her and possibly not be so nervous. |
| 22:18 | The converstaion is an informal one where the woman is very expressive in what she say and puts the view point with good reasoning very convincingly and makes the man speachless at times | 3 | SAY keep up the good sprit |
| 22:21 | The woman appears comfortable, and the man (off-screen) sounds as though he is comfortable and interested in this woman. They are discussing work, and the abundant projects she is working on. | 4 | SAY Have you seen The Hobbit? |
| 22:24 | They are sharing re laxly their freedom of speech and comfortable | 5 | SAY This’s very useful and help to know the many persons |
| 22:27 | The woman and man seem to be fairly comfortable with each other, are interacting in a natural manner, thought I don’t think they know each other that well as they both seem a bit nervous. I feel that he seems more interested in her than she is in him while they are engaging in their causal dating banter. | 3 | SAY Can you fit a cassette in your mouth, sideways? |
| 22:27 | Both the Woman and the Man appear to be good to each other and having a spontaneous chatting. | 4 | SAY just be polite and bold |
| 22:30 | flirtathe man and women are flirting in a bar i suppose. the expression in the womens face suggests that she is enjoying the companionship of the man very well. her smile seems to be lusty. it’s all i can guess | 4 | SAY you ever been to a beach with your girlfriend on a sunny day? |
| 22:30 | Women are really Perfect and Bold to Face Problems. | 3 | SAY Always Happy to do all things |
| 22:30 | The woman appeared to be very embarrassed and the man to be horrified. | 1 | SAY How can people be like this.? |
| 22:30 | The lady appears to be enjoying herself. She is smiling allot. But not talking to much … so maybe not ? I cannot see the man but he seems to be talking the most and his voices seems like it is lively and interested | 3 | SAY Sooo… what are your thoughts on post Barthian new testament Q hypothesis theological interpretations in light of recent works by Neibuhr? |
| 22:31 | They feel slightly awkward around each other. They seem to be on a first date and are making small talk about themselves. She’s joking about the men on the online dating website she’s on. | 3 | SAY When does the bacon narwhal? |
| 22:31 | The woman and man seem to be feeling like they are unwinding at a after 5 bar and she is letting him know what happened at work. I feel he is very interested in her because he is asking a lot of questions. She does not ask him any questions that I noticed. She seems like she feels a little nervous at all the questions. So I think she likes telling him what happened today, but is a little uncomfortable with the guy. He seems to be feeling empathetic with her. | 3 | SAY She needs to ask him some questions about his day or life. |
| 22:31 | They seem to be enjoying each other’s company, although it is pretty apparent that they don’t know each other very well. He is asking questions and they seem to be trying to get to know one another. She seems a little more wary and reserved than he does. | 4 | SAY What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? |
| 22:31 | Both the woman and man sitting inside a cabin and discussing something. They are very happy. | 5 | SAY Please say I love you and be happy always. |
| 22:32 | They seem to be feeling happy and in a good mood. They are smiling and seem interested in each other. | 3 | SAY I’m hungry. I don’t know if I want a hot dog or some fish tacos. |
| 22:32 | Seems like they are enjoying there life. They are doing what they like. | 4 | DO Do what you like. Enjoy what you do. |
| 22:34 | A descent business talk is going on between man and woman at restaurant. | 2 | DO to be more formal |
| 22:35 | The man and the women are discussing an isuue and seem to be not so happy about it. | 4 | SAY Be careful before buying something. |
| 22:35 | video not available | 3 | SAY video not available |
| 22:36 | the woman and man are so happy.. | 3 | SAY this is very nice |
| 22:39 | She seems as if she is drunk. | 2 | SAY How old are you? |
| 22:40 | i guess not | 1 | DO |
| 22:41 | the woman celebeate happy moment and attend the dinner party | 3 | SAY normal talk of party |
| 22:41 | The woman is uncomfortable and probably waiting on someone else nearby to save her from her captive. The man is hitting on the woman and is oblivious to social cues. | 2 | SAY Please leave me alone, because your driving me crazy. |
| 22:41 | nothing | 4 | SAY nothing |
| 22:43 | The woman appears to be feeling a bit board of listening to the guy talk. The woman looks very uncomfortable talking to this man. She is giving all the signs of not being interested in him. | 1 | DO If you do not like the guy, tell him that you do not think you want to see him again. |
| 22:43 | They are very emotional. | 3 | DO be calm & show in action |
| 22:44 | The woman appears to be nervous, yet happy and maybe a bit excited at the same time. I did not see much of the man, but he seemed to be happy and excited as well, not so much nervous like her though. | 3 | DO Maybe they could dance, it could help loosen her up a bit. |